Feathers, Messages, and a White Deer

I recently had a conversation with someone about the signs we sometimes experience as messages from our dearly departed. My acquaintance is a complete non-believer and I knew that I wouldn't be able to convince her. But, for me, the signs and presence are very clear to me.

One of the most powerful messages I received from Chris was by way of a white feather. I didn't see it, my friend did and passed on the news to me. I never doubted her or my conclusion. On my final packing day of the house at Aultbea, the house Chris and I happily shared and the house in which he died, a friend was helping me and the message appeared when she left my home. We had talked about my ambivalence in leaving the house. To stay made no sense. The house was not wheelchair friendly and it required that carers come to prepare my meals and help me bathe. Neither felt right to me because I just couldn't see myself as a helpless old lady. But I loved Aultbea, my circle of friends, etc. As my friend left the house, she encountered a white feather balancing on the top of the side mirror of my car. She watched as it lifted into the air (and there was no breeze), suspended itself in the air momentarily, and then slowly drifted toward the road. She told me that it was Chris telling me it was time to move on, as I had promised him I would. This brought me so much comfort and when I miss my home in Aultbea, I remember Chris' message to move. "Get on the road and start the new chapter of your life."

Chris comes to me in my dreams and I experience coincidences that can only be explained by Chris' spiritual presence. Sometimes I can even feel his hand touching my back as I lie in bed. I have heard his voice, as clearly as if he were standing there. I know he's nearby, always. But it isn't just Chris who comes to me. I've had two other very real experiences involving both my father and my dearest and oldest friend.

When my father died in 2008, it was a real blow. I was very close to my dad and loved him so much and his death was welcomed. He had spent his professional life as a professor and strokes had robbed him of the ability to speak clearly. He was no longer himself. While I hated the thought of losing him, I knew death would bring him peace. But the sadness I felt was so deep. Chris worried about me and decided to take me away for a weekend at Tayvallich. As we drove along, I spotted a white deer - not an albino, as the dark brown eyes and eyelashes were visible. I asked Chris to stop the car. I got out and hobbled toward the deer. The deer didn't move. It stood there looking at me, meeting my eyes with its eyes. And during that moment, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and happiness. I returned to the car and Chris asked why I wanted to approach the deer. I turned to him and said, "It's all okay now. Dad is okay. I heard him and saw his brown eyes in the eyes of the deer." It was as if someone had closed a book of grief and opened a new one of joy in that moment. When we returned home, I did some research and found that a deeply held belief of the Celts was that white deer were messengers from the afterlife and could bring messages of comfort. I got goosebumps reading that. I felt that relief and joy all over again.

The sign that came from my oldest and dearest friend after she died was one of the most obvious and mind blowing I've ever experienced. I received word that she died the day after from her daughter. I was shocked and so very saddened by this news. I worried about her, wondering if I could have done anything to lift her spirits (she died from natural causes, but, as I said in an earlier post, I know she died of a broken heart). Later that day, I sat down to play one of my favourite word games on my phone. It's a game where a jumbled group of letters is displayed and you have to make words. The first word I saw was my dear friend's name, incorporating every letter provided. I smiled, lifted my eyes, and said, "Thank you. I know you are telling me you are okay. I love you." I've never experienced a loss that so quickly made sense to me.

Chris appears to my granddaughter through pranks - and Chris loved pranks. My granddaughter will go to pick up something in the place she left it, only to find it gone. She will turn her room upside down before returning to the original place, finding the item right where she knew she had left it. "Oh, Abba!"

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To me, this photograph Chris took of his footprint in the sand is such an incredible allegory for his life. During his lifetime, he left his print on the hearts of so many people whose lives were positively affected by his presence. And just as the tide comes and the print disappears, so go our lives. We are here but for an instant, but we hope always to leave our love and kindness behind.